Thursday, November 15, 2007

I heard the voice of Gilbert Gottfried say

It didn’t matter back when all I wanted to do was make a racket. The more sensational, etc. the better. Lions roaring! The trumpets of the Valrikies!
But I want to speak "authentically" now, to people I care about. However, it sounds like I’m in a library, hoarse-whispering with the voice of Gilbert Gottfried. I am gears grinding, hydraulics tapping the Dumpster against the side of a truck. “I’ve never heard you like this, Sara!” A gentle chide. Hm. Well, that’s probably why you’re still reading my blog.
There was a cat food commercial once with these sped-film kittens streaking around to the roar of stock cars. A kitten close-up: his mouth says "mew! mew!" but the speakers scream, "VROOM! VROOM!"
I'm speaking kittens: "I like you," or, "I'm sorry," and it's coming out Camaro engines. Must work on delivery.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't be too hard on yourself; all of us who try to speak "authentically" feel this way sometimes.

The noise of the engine will always be loudest inside the compartment where it's running. (Which is an inelegant way of saying our own thoughts will always seem most prominent inside the space that is our mind). Of course, this can concurrently make ideas sound all grand and powerful; while people on the street nearby hear only the inane murmuring of a thousand passing cars.

Anonymous said...

For the past several days, I've had the sound of a choir singing, "I heard the voice of Gilbert Gottfried say, 'Hosanna! Hosanna!'" going through my head.