... and He wants me to be happy:
Beer.
Yes! But also, if I may be confessional: I love talking about thoughts, though I'm no philosopher, and I have these conversations almost constantly. If I'm trapped in an elevator with one other person, it'll be a Taoist. The young guy at the end of the coffee bar Wednesday, a Guinness pint blacking the middle circle of his face, read a paperback Jung.
If God is sending me in to "sic'em," He's chosing the most ineffectual attack dog, philosphically, of the universal litter-at-large. I approach, eyes bright with delight. "What are you reading?" His eyes, brightening, "Symbols!" and so it ensues.
Whatever I contribute, it's from a Christian brain/heart, so ... it's the most joyous, organic "evangelism" I do.
With unquantifiable results. Only God knows where that person is in their thinking. It's a light yoke to just enjoy, speak honestly, and let God do the soul-work of soul-winning.
I'm the least-schooled of the litter. There are wizards of minuitae -- dates, systems, terminology. I dig the philosophers' macro-visions, their bird's-eye views of life/existence/meaning-etc. The nutshells the thinkers honed their ideas into before they keeled over. Which means, I'm flush with broad simplicities -- but isn't that what matters most? (To Christians and Taoists. :)
I really don't know how to say this but, there's a specific Walk with God that I want more than anything else in the world. (And it does have something to do with the nebulous "love-of-thinking" and a few other elements.) I guess I'm blogging about it because I'm coming to new conclusions, concerning it.
For one it's overwhelming, because God's re-energizing this dream in the midst of ... my rampant imperfections. I've also realized, lately, that it may mean I won't get married (though God could miraculously find me a kindred spirit). I just want this more than marriage, or anything. Doing what I truly enjoy, "partnered" with God, the spring of joy.
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4 comments:
You know, it seems that God always bring that "special someone" into a person's life once they fully, completely surrender to Him in that area and are content to be single. It happened for me and Myles, and I've heard so many similar stories. Maybe you have been content for a while, I don't know. I do believe that if you really desire to be married and you are seeking to do God's will, He also desires that for you because His desires will be your desires and vice versa, and He wants to give you the desires of your heart. So surrender to Him and be content, but also know that He wants you to be happy and to serve Him in whatever circumstances go on in your life. Myles and I had a couple of friends who he seriously thought would never get married. Both have been married now for a few years, but they were both in their mid-30's before they met their hubbies. Neither were engaged very long either. They met and married in a matter of a few months! It happens girl!
Just be sure to invite me to your wedding. :)
Ach! I have to come back and add that I know your post was not focusing on the possibility of getting married, but I just felt I had to tell you all that. :) It is good and wise to honor God in whatever you do, wherever you are and whoever you are with, whether you are married, single, have 10 kids or whatever! You are so good at doing the right thing no matter how much you are intimidated. I've alwyas admired that about you (among many other things). Believe it or not, you encouraged me to be more bold when I hung out with you all the time. Boy, I miss those days. :)
Cindy -- I am so overwhelmingly fearful, that whatever bold thing was happening, though it was 100-percent God, it was also 99 percent you. :)
I miss that, too, and need to e-mail you again soon!
LOL! Well, maybe we were good for each other. :) YES! Email me! I'll try to beat you to it as soon as I get several hours to write you another novel. :)
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